This week, Tara's Gallery and Josie's Writing Workshop have joined forces to combine two of my most favourite things in the world. The Gallery and The Writing Workshop have, over the past few weeks really helped me to understand, not only myself, but my fellow 'Tweeps' and blogger's.
For this I'm very thankful.
To Tara and Josie,
Thank you for you hard work and inspiration.
This weeks joint prompt is 'Emotions'
This is my entry with my chosen emotion: Remorse.
Each time I look at his photo, I feel the knot in my stomach tighten.
How could I not have known? How could I have thought that I..(me?!) knew best?
My gorgeous little girl. So brave. So strong.
Me, her mother. So weak. So pathetic.
The definition of remorse is 'sadness and disgust' These emotions I know all too well.
Remorse, however, is exactly how I feel looking at this.
My darling daughter, with her arm in a sling, having fallen from her bed.
I feel immense sadness that at the tender age of 5 she had to experience that kind of trauma.
I will forever feel disgusted with myself that I waited 2 days before taking her to the hospital to have her checked over.
In my defence, Lauryn could lift her arm over her head, wiggle her fingers and roll her neck. I assumed she had maybe bruised or possibly jarred her shoulder or arm in some way.
I felt sick when the X-ray reveled a clear break in her collar bone.
'See Mummy? I told you it was really hurting' The words that will haunt me forever.
How could I not have seen she was truly in pain? That there was more to her complaints then just bruising?
How could I have been such a terrible Mother?
My sweet, innocent, gorgeous Lauryn. I am so very sorry. Remorse doesn't come close to the agony that I feel everyday knowing that I messed up so royally.
Call it what you want, remorse, shame, despair, horror, torment, anger, guilt... I feel all of these when I look at your loving face.
I can never make this right.