Friday, 30 July 2010

My Last Fight..

So, I haven't blogged much recently.
I have been busy. Really, REALLY busy.

I have been feeling totally overwhelmed by life over the past couple of weeks.
I can't breath. I'm being 'water boaded' and never left to rest.

I know that to some of you, that statement sounds 'dramatic' and 'violent' but it truly sums up my present feelings. And if you have ever suffered from severe depression, you will probably know where I'm coming from.

I feel like I'm drowning, being held down under the water for soo long, I give up.
But just as soon as I give in to this feeling, something pulls me to the surface just long enough to gasp for air before holding me back down again.

The icy water, makes me feel numb and my chest burns from my last solitary breath.
I have tried to keep up appearances, to show a 'happy' face to those who know me. To say "I'm fine.." when asked, but really, I'm not.

This world is plotting against me with an awesome force.
It never gets easier.
Grey turns into black, sun turns into rain, joy turns into pain.

Cruel, evil powers are at force and I am paralyzed. I cannot fight them, they have dug their claws in too deep.

It's too late for me. I have been over powered.
I will battle against that final breath to keep 'them' away from my children. I will not let 'them' take my precious family.

You may have won the battle, but you will never win the war. I will fight you 'til my death, and haunt you 'til yours.

I am clinging on. Waiting for that gasp of air, longing to feel the burn in my lungs.
Hoping beyond hope, that this will not be my last fight.


  1. you are not alone hun.
    we can fight together!

  2. The worst thing about depression is the way is sucks out all hope and belief in the ultimate truth of it: that it will, in the end, lift and be over. There is nothing for it but to keep going. Don't give up.

  3. Definitely don't give up. I know exactly how you feel about this. I have been really really low & overwhelmed with everything - but one day the fog just clears slightly. It's not easy, but be strong & take 1 day at a time. xx

  4. Thank you all for your comments x