It's not that I like the feeling of numbness or anything.
I mean I prefer to feel numb then to feel like I'm being crushed under an enormous weight that is life..
Sometimes, it gets so bad that I can't breath. Literally. I have panic attacks over the stupidest things.
Then there's the flip side to that bright and shiny coin, called Bipolar.
This effects me in 2 different ways. I'm not Kerry Katona.
I talk.. endlessly talk.. Drew will agree with me, as he can often be heard telling me to 'shut the fuck up'
It's like someone is holding a gun to my head.. Think 'Speed' without the bus, if I stop or slow down, my world stops. There is a real pressure urging me on. And it's nothing in particular that spews from my mouth. A whole random load of nonsense.
I'll start mid way through a sentence and Drew will be looking at me wondering what the hell is going on and not having a clue. It's like I think that I've started from the beginning and then I feel annoyed that he isn't keeping up.
The other way the 'mania' takes hold is sex.
I'm like a woman possessed!!
My poor bloke. He's so tired!
I have found a 'Majority Trend, to these cycles. I'm an uber crazy person at night. (Another reason why Drew is tired)
These 'manic' cycles leave me exhausted too. I'm so hyper I don't sleep.
This not only leaves me extremely tired the next day, but also in need of being scraped up from the floor like a deflated helium balloon.
The downward spiral continues throughout the day and there's no pulling me out of it.
So you see, it doesn't happen very often, and I wouldn't say I like it, but today I'm comfortably numb.