As my bipolar cycles kick into overdrive, I have come to realise that no one is safe when I am at the top of my 'game'.
It seems that I turn into some crazed wild animal, ready to pounce upon my prey at a seconds notice.
It really is a need. An obsessive, compulsive itch that must be scratched.
I don't want meaningful 'love' making, I need rough, hard, give it to me right now hot kinda sex.
Once is never enough.
I feel incredibly powerful, and sexy. I'd even go as far as to say irresistible. (?!)
The need to be touched and paid attention to, is acutely strong.
My persona distinctly changes and I become this seriously over confident, lustful, nymphomaniac.
I wear out my poor other half, who doesn't know what the hell has hit him, and I still want more!
I have no control over this. Seriously. I have tried to curb my 'enthusiasum' to little or no effect.
I am frustrated beyond belief. And nothing helps.
I feel like I've been torn in two. Mild schizophrenia or something?
One day I am Kerry, mother of 4, dowdy housewife. The next, I'm Kerry, filth for brains, sex crazed MILF!!!
Apparently, or so my Doctor says, this is completely normal for someone like myself who suffers with such intense cycles of Bipolar. I have been told to 'go with the flow' and to 'play out my fantasies'
The problem is, it's not about 'fantasy' it's simply about the urgent need to have huge bouts of sex. Over and over and over again.
I find people, in general more sexy. More appealing and attractive. I find talking about sex easier.
Of course, I would never, EVER, even for one second contemplate anyone but Drew. (Well, there is 'The List' obviously, but everyone has one of them. The unlikely chance meeting of a overly perfect hot celeb when you can have one night and not answer for it..)
Is it unrealistic of me to want to have that kind of great 'got to have it, rough, dirty' kind of sex that you see in the movies? (and I'm not talking porn here people)
The kind of sex which leaves you both feeling drained and breathless and glowing.
Now, I'm not saying for a moment, that the sex I do have isn't up to standard, believe me I have no issues on that score! But it's a different kind of fulfilment. A different itch which needs to be scratched in a particular way.
Maybe it is all about fantasy after all..